WHAT DID I WANNA DO?!

Hey guys, how's life? It's been real long since I have posted. To be honest, I have been lost in time that I do not know so many months have passed. And next week, My 'O' Level Oral is already starting. MT 'O' Level results being released.

Honestly, I am immune to it. Why? I don't know. I am LOST. REAL LOST. But what am I doing to settle my problem? Nothing. What do I really want in my life? I also don't know. Dearest Junxiang have been real worried for my welfare because I'm not studying at all. Ever since mid years. To be honest, I could not help but to cry over it. I am always crying every night under his arms, not knowing what to do; or just sleeping. WHAT DO I WANT FOR MYSELF?! I really don't know. My family, friends and especially Junxiang worry for me.
Crying is useless because I cant get anything out of it. My parents are working so hard just to give me money to go school. Even my classmates, those who do not study,  is already going for it. And me, still lost.

Is coming back for 'O' Levels the right choice? I do not know anymore; or should I quit school and go roaming around for a year, reflecting before I come back studying. Will it be too late?

I am lost. Everyone is worried. Yet me. Cant be bothered. Junxiang and me just quarrelled again. Over my attitude once again. He is worried, even bothering to tell me, which is rare for him to do so. And me, just being like that.

Can someone save me please?!
Am I bothering my loved ones with my problems?
Everything is just not going onto my way.

Someone, save me..

Happy Chinese New Year ~



2ndSis & Me (Didn't manage to take with my first sister only though :/)

 

With the cousins~



Hi guys, it's been a long time since I posted? Erm, actually not really a long time. Hahah. Anyways Happy Chinese New Year! May the angpaos I get will be more, :B. Just joking. School is really stressful with all the homework teachers have given and it don't seem to end. I don't even have time to write my fanfic because I need to focus on my F&N coursework other than these few days of rest. To be honest, I'm real tired. Like really tired, and definitely I am gaining weight. I think I'm going to cry when the PE teachers take my weight next Tuesday, because I have been eating a lot these few days, hahah. Anyway, Congratulations to me taking GPA (Good Progress Award) & EAGLES Award. EAGLES Award is regarding leadership, that's what I heard from my sister! I'm really afraid for this year's 'O' Levels. Hope these few days of relax won't slacken my motivation to do well. I shall update my story since I have on-ed my computer today. So I really hope the gods will bless me to do well this year. So yes, wish me luck!



Edusave Award Ceremony.

Me, when I'm procrastinating during studying ;/.

This year may be a tough year for me, but I am going to try my best on surviving for this year. Really hope I can go to Poly and get the course I want. So, God, please bless me!

All alone. In this darkness.

Hey guys, back to post. Recently, I feel that life is very meaningless. I mean I had just got into a useless fight with my sister. I am not even angry with her or anything but I just bombarded her about her homework not being done. I'm being a bitch, aren't I? I don't know what I am doing. I mean 'N' Levels is like in 2 more weeks time than it will be gone and I am still here doing nothing. Playing with my phone like usual but I feel everything is like so boring and there is nothing for me to do. Am I stressed? I am not sure about that even when I asked myself personally. I'm like living in a life of a zombie. I barely know how to live anymore.

Yesterday, I just met up with Mummy Sherlene, I talked a lot with her and yes, I had fun. Maybe I am just a lonely girl with no friends. I mean no one really called me like last time. Yes, I received texts but I just get irritated with that someone who texted me for no reason? Am I PMSing? Last time I checked, my 'friend' had not yet come. Maybe it's coming real soon. Just feeling so effed with everything. People who don't deserve to be bitched by me have been bitched. I am lost. Really lost. I no longer know what am I doing. Do I even have true friends? I am not so sure about that anymore. People who always say of being there for me is gone. I am normally an optimistic person, but for me becoming like this must be real funny right. My 2nd sister has been through this since Primary school. Now she is always going out with her friends. Maybe I am just jealous about her so I bitched about her.

I don't know what to do anymore. How to be truly happy? Can someone teach me? Can someone help me to get out of this darkness, pretty please? I am truly lost. So tired of everything. I am truly lost.I really need help. I'm getting fatter and that's not helping. What's happening to me? I guess I can't be that optimistic person that I said I am by not caring what others say about me. I always care, it's just that I truly don't know what to say. Atikah is like facing the same problem as me? I don't know. Sometimes I feel she is just taking advantage of me, just because I am nice to her. It hurts really. Being in this world is so tiring since everyone is just that cruel to one another. At times, when I read fanfics online. I really wished that I can be the main character in those stories and receive happy endings, but it's not happening. Everything is crushed and gone. I guess my future is screwed. I am not satisfied with the way I live. My dad loves me always providing things I want. My sisters and I have our own path in life already. Things seemed to be changing so fast. Everything is so complicated. I just want to break down. If only somebody is there for me. It will be so nice. I want to have a friend who will be by my side at all times. Will it happen? I pray it will happen to me one day. If only fairy tales come true that will be nice.

Alright ! All sad stuff set aside. Guys please check out my fanfic at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8831915/1/Pain-with-LOVE

Please kindly support me with your reviews ~ :D. I really appreciate it !