All alone. In this darkness.

Hey guys, back to post. Recently, I feel that life is very meaningless. I mean I had just got into a useless fight with my sister. I am not even angry with her or anything but I just bombarded her about her homework not being done. I'm being a bitch, aren't I? I don't know what I am doing. I mean 'N' Levels is like in 2 more weeks time than it will be gone and I am still here doing nothing. Playing with my phone like usual but I feel everything is like so boring and there is nothing for me to do. Am I stressed? I am not sure about that even when I asked myself personally. I'm like living in a life of a zombie. I barely know how to live anymore.

Yesterday, I just met up with Mummy Sherlene, I talked a lot with her and yes, I had fun. Maybe I am just a lonely girl with no friends. I mean no one really called me like last time. Yes, I received texts but I just get irritated with that someone who texted me for no reason? Am I PMSing? Last time I checked, my 'friend' had not yet come. Maybe it's coming real soon. Just feeling so effed with everything. People who don't deserve to be bitched by me have been bitched. I am lost. Really lost. I no longer know what am I doing. Do I even have true friends? I am not so sure about that anymore. People who always say of being there for me is gone. I am normally an optimistic person, but for me becoming like this must be real funny right. My 2nd sister has been through this since Primary school. Now she is always going out with her friends. Maybe I am just jealous about her so I bitched about her.

I don't know what to do anymore. How to be truly happy? Can someone teach me? Can someone help me to get out of this darkness, pretty please? I am truly lost. So tired of everything. I am truly lost.I really need help. I'm getting fatter and that's not helping. What's happening to me? I guess I can't be that optimistic person that I said I am by not caring what others say about me. I always care, it's just that I truly don't know what to say. Atikah is like facing the same problem as me? I don't know. Sometimes I feel she is just taking advantage of me, just because I am nice to her. It hurts really. Being in this world is so tiring since everyone is just that cruel to one another. At times, when I read fanfics online. I really wished that I can be the main character in those stories and receive happy endings, but it's not happening. Everything is crushed and gone. I guess my future is screwed. I am not satisfied with the way I live. My dad loves me always providing things I want. My sisters and I have our own path in life already. Things seemed to be changing so fast. Everything is so complicated. I just want to break down. If only somebody is there for me. It will be so nice. I want to have a friend who will be by my side at all times. Will it happen? I pray it will happen to me one day. If only fairy tales come true that will be nice.

Alright ! All sad stuff set aside. Guys please check out my fanfic at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8831915/1/Pain-with-LOVE

Please kindly support me with your reviews ~ :D. I really appreciate it !