Back once more.

Hi. Back again. My life is definitely full of ups and downs. I mean after 4 years of my life in Henderson, I realized something. I am a pathetic person who have no true friends. Like really, I mean come on, my social circle is definitely big. But then there is no true friends for me out there. To be honest, I'm really very upset about it.

My dearest friend, Atikah is acting weird. I mean, I suddenly talk to her she will reply. But the next day she won't reply to my messages anymore. I mean come on, what's wrong? Honestly, I'm upset over it but I can't do anything about it if she don't confide in me with her problems.

Like what dad said, the real society and world is really cruel. If you are fat, you won't have any friends, even if you are smart, people will think you are stupid. When you do a tiny thing wrong even though you have done million of good things, people will still remember it. Why is the society so judgmental? It's like everything is so unfair. My friends can't be really considered as friends, I guess the ones that are really there for me are my family and sisters.

Many people ask me why am I always so optimistic, but the truth is I'm not. I always tried my best to stay happy but my insides are real hurt. I always tried to cheer up my so-called friends, but I get nothing in return and get abandoned by them. My friends said they have their own problems. Hello, the problems you all have experienced I have most probably experienced them already. I'm so tired of being judged and being said. At times, I hope I can lock myself up somewhere and just hide from the world. I feel like crying but I can't. Friends are not considered as friends because they made use of one another.

"If I could have one wish for relationships now, is that I would like to have a partner who is my true best friend and never leaves me."

I have went online searching for friends to talk with but all they talk is about sex. I'm really getting annoyed of it. I'm sick and tired of smiling for everyone when I myself is dying on the inside. Why is everyone being like this? I just pray that God one day will give me a true friend/partner who will never leaves or betray me. If only this could really happen. I really would be happy. Right now, I'm kinda breaking down but I can't cry. Is fairytales existing? No. Definitely not, happy endings have a price to pay. Now I could fully understand why my second sister is always saying she 'wanna die' when she is young, because that is exactly what I am feeling right now despite being fifteen. I wonder if any of my close friends remembered my birthday, or will they send me a birthday message? I would not bother anymore because all the messages are just words, not actions.

Bye for now. Check out my second story which is full of my own fantasies!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9859751/1/Back-To-The-Past